Unknown Future

So, right now, I'm in the application process for medical school. I took a shot and applied to 19 different schools all over the United States. It was my hope to be accepted in a medical school within my home state, California. And there are 5 California medical schools, so I thought I had a good chance.

But I may be wrong.

At this point, I have received twelve "no." Twelve rejection letters so far. Only seven are still in the game. And there is only one month left to this application process.

There is still hope. All I need is one medical school to say "yes." And my dream of becoming a doctor will come true.

I've had this doctor dream for a long time now. Ever since I was thirteen. As a kid, I was always changing what I wanted to be “when I grow up” – a marine biologist, a movie critic, a crime scene investigator, a basketball player, a professional golfer and so forth. But it wasn’t until I was in 7th or 8th grade, I decided to become a surgeon when I grow up. One day, there was a science lab where we had to dissect and examine a sheep’s eye, a cow’s brain, pig intestines, and another day with a frog and a worm. And I remember all the girls in the class were grossed out. Especially the girls in my group. Nobody wanted to touch that slimy stuff. I was the only one who wasn’t freaked out in any way. I was just fascinated by the complexity of these dissection parts. I was right in there, ready to take a shot at this stuff, and get my hands a little dirty. Ever since then, I’ve wanted to be a surgeon. Particularly a heart surgeon. That's a desire God had given to me over the years. That’s what I’ve been working towards all these years.

But the next step is medical school. So, I'm a bit more nervous than I would like at this point. All signs say "no" because the application process is almost over. If I don't get anything by the end of March, I won't be going to a medical school this upcoming fall.

And I'm trying to keep my hope is God and to heed towards His plan, for God has greater plans for me than I can ever imagine. One of my favorite verses keep coming to mind - Psalm 27:1. "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"

Lord, help me to rid my endless fears. You have been so faithful for all my years. Take my life and let it be always only for my King.

I will not fear, but wait for the Lord. My future is known to Him. And I walk by faith with my Lord.

Trials

Today, I got the news that my dad's dairy no longer has any feed for its cows. And unfortunately, he doesn't have any money to buy more feed. This is the breaking point we hoped wouldn't happen.

But it has.

This is a trial my dad is going through. I feel numb and sad for him. This dairy has been a huge part of his life, even though he hasn't enjoyed every moment because of his parents', brothers', and sisters' abuse over the years. My dad has endured much for this dairy in the past 35 years. Now, he may lose the only job he has ever known.

And I can't be of any help physically or fiancially. But I can pray. So, I prayed hard for my Dad and the dairy and this tough situation that's happening. I pray for my family and the uncertain future that lies ahead. And I pray, above all, that God's will be done.

I'm reminded of a quote a friend once showed me, which was originally told by John Piper. "Life is not a straight line leading from one blessing to the next and then finally to heaven. Life is a winding and troubled road. Switchback after switchback. And the point of biblical stories like Joseph and Job and Esther and Ruth is to help us feel in our bones (not just know in our heads) that God is for us in all these strange turns. God is not just showing up after the trouble and cleaning it up. He is plotting the course and managing the troubles with far-reaching purposes for our good and for the glory of Jesus Christ."

Right now, my family (especially my dad) faces a winding and troubled road.

But my confidence is in God Almighty, the King of kings and Lord of lords. He manages all things according to his perfect plan for those who love Him. I will trust Him above all.

For whatever is my lot and whatever trials I face, God has taught me throughout my life to say "It is well with my soul." I pray that my Dad will also have this confidence in this trial. He needs it now more than ever.

Sorting Out Priorities

So my activities as of late...

Studying for Midterms: triple check!

Writing Term Papers: check!

Daily workout: check!

Cooking healthy Breakfast/Lunch/Dinner: check!

Turning on the computer and blogging: Umm...can't check that.

Also, I've haven't quite responded back to all my e-mails. If you're one of them, I'm so sorry! I want to make the time for blogging and answering a few emails, but I've just not figured out how to manage to complete everything I want to while still going to bed on time!

I always feel like I should be doing more, but I can never seem to do every activity. Every morning, I figure out my priorities. And I try hard to complete them all by the end of the day. I try.

Life has become a tricky balance of trying to do the best I can in the most important things. My lifelong prayer has become a simple line – "God, be with me in all I do and let me be the best I can possibly be." :)